Living Things I've Killed

Humor - General
By: BonnieDossKnight    
25-Jan-2011

Introduction:Disclaimer: I did not murder any of the following with malice of forethought.

  • 01

    Frank the Ficus Tree

    One Administrative Assistant's Day, my traveling consultants gifted me with a Ficus tree. It was taller than I am, as are most things. When I got him home, Frank seemed sad and started "weeping" all his leaves off.

    According to the Ficus tree website, Frank was "acclimating", but I didn't just ride in on the turnip truck. He was dying. I kept his skeleton for a couple of months until the company was sold. All my consultants moved out of state. I never had to admit to killing Frank the Ficus Tree.

  • 02

    Tom the Tomato Plant

    During my unlucky gardening phase, I tried to grow a tomato plant. Tom thrived to become a tall plant, like Jack's beanstalk. Except not one single tomato happened. After quizzing my green thumb friends, I went outside each night at bedtime and sang lullabies. Still, no tomatoes.

    Another friend advised to beat Tom with a stick ; he'd get angry and produce lots of tomatoes. Somehow, I couldn't reconcile with my conscience to hit a living thing, no matter how much I loved tomatoes. So he died.

  • 03

    Gustav the Swedish Ivy

    Gustav was a gift from one of my nurse friends. Brown-thumb Bonnie, by this time, knew to leave him well enough alone. I recruited another nurse friend to become Gustav's caretaker. He hung happily from my office ceiling for ten years, minding his plant business and supplying me with oxygen. Then the nurse retired.

    Maybe I drowned the poor dear. Gustav pulled the same style weeping as Frank, and wept his leaves all off. (By the way did you know Swedish Ivy is not Swedish and it's not ivy? Swedish Ivy got its' name because it 's a popular houseplant in Sweden)

  • 04

    Annie the Avocado Pit

    At some point the fad was to stick toothpicks in an avocado pit, put it in water and watch it grow. I did and it didn't. Annie did begin to stink and I was forced to throw her away. Poor old Annie, I still don't know how I managed to kill her.

  • 05

    Chicken Little the Duck

    Stepfather number three bought me a duck one Easter, which I promptly christened Chicken Little. Well.I was only 10-years old. I forgot to feed Chicken Little for four, maybe three days. When I remembered, he looked all droopy. I filled a coffee cup with food and a big bowl with water. Chicken Little ate too much, his craw got too big for his head and he drowned in his water bowl.


Final Thoughts

One might wonder how I managed to raise two children to become responsible citizens, without murdering them on accident. Maybe my jinx doesn't include kids

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