Introduction:You know who you are. You know what you do. I hate you. Everyone hates you. Stop it. Whatever it is you're doing, stop it.
You are not that important. Your conversation is not that important. If you are not living an episode of "24" and saving my butt from nuclear or otherwise obliteration, GET OFF THE DAMNED PHONE!
I don't get it: you pass me, then slow down. I pass you, you speed up to keep me from completing the pass and getting this Porsche off my tailgate. What's wrong with you? Is 2nd place the 1st place loser?
The merge lane is a lane. That means you drive down it, pick up matching speed and blend (aka "merge") into traffic. It doesn't mean stop, give yourself whiplash looking over your shoulder, creep forward, and give the finger to the drivers behind you waiting for your idiot self to get the hell out of the way.
Yes, I see you. You're great. Can't wait for your video to come out. No, I don't have the same radio station tuned in, but even if I did, I would feel neither bonded nor attracted to you. Because you are a douche. Everyone knows this but you, and this makes you a schmuck, as well as a douche. Douche.
I put you at #5 because you are the least-dangerous offender. However, you may be the most enraging. Left-right-left? Sure, but you can't make a decision to pull out til I'm 20 feet away, then you craaaawwwwwlllll your butt out into my lane.
Oh my God, woo-sah, woooooo-sah. Okay, I'm cool with the universe. But then what do you do? THE SPEED LIMIT! What? The speed limit isn't a rule, IT'S A SUGGESTION!!! Move it, Granny! Damnit! I'm trying to get to wooooorrrrkkkkk!!!!!!! And my job is CUSTOMER SERRRRRRVICCCCCCCE!!!!!!!!!!! DAMNIT!!!
Ok, I'm okay. Really. I just beg that if you find yourself on this list, and you someday see me behind you (I'll be the guy with the huge finger), just please get the hell out of my way. I have things to do.
select one here...