Introduction:If you want peace and quiet in public, follow these rules.
When I was 13 years old, I figured out that if you chew up a mouthful of McDonald's french fries and then start pretending to gnaw on the crook of your elbow, people keep their distance.
If you want to read your book in peace and someone is bothering, simply put the book down, look them directly in the eyes, and say "Get outta here. I'm trying to take a dump."
If you are waiting to pay for your goods in line, and someone starts chatting you up and you aren't in the mood for discussion, there is a simple remedy. Point at their legs and start laughing. And don't stop. Just keep laughing.
Begin by making farting noises, and chase the cat all over the house until you reach the point of exhaustion. The worst thing that will happen is that it will sit in the corner and stare at you with glittering eyes of murder.
If a Jehovah witness---or any other solicitor--arrives to your door step, simply answer the door, say hello, and start licking your doorknob until they turn around and scurry away in fear.
Leave me alone. I'm trying to take a...
select one here...