Hilarious Jokes

Humor - Jokes
By: goodselfme    
04-Mar-2013

Introduction:Enjoy some hilarious jokes that will amuse you and make you smile or laugh out loud. These are not the creation of the one making this list, but it is unknown who to give credit for composing these funny and humorous lines for your entertainment.

  • 01

    Dog Funeral

    Jeremy Muldoon was an Irishman who lived alone with his pet dog in the Irish countryside. Jeremy's dog was meaningful to him because that was his only company all the 12 years of the dogs life. On the day Muldoon's dog died he went to the parish priest and said "Father my dog died. Could ya be saying a short mass for the poor creature?" Father quickly replied, "I am afraid not; we cannot have church mass for an animal. There are some Baptists down the lane and there's no tellin' what they believe and might do. Maybe they'll do something for the creature." Jeremy Muldoon said, I'll go right away Father. Thank you for the idea. Do ya
    think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?" Father Patrick nearly jumped out of his robe when he exclaimed. "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya' say the dog was a Catholic."

  • 02

    Senior Confession

    An elderly man goes into the confessional. This is the conversation the man and the priest have.
    Man: I am 92 years old, I have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren and several great grandchildren. Yesterday I picked up two college aged girls who were hitch - hiking. We went to a motel where I had sex with each of them three times.
    Priest: Are you sorry for your sins?
    Man: What sins?
    Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you?
    Man: I am not a Catholic, I am Jewish.
    Priest: Why are you telling me all this then?
    Man: I'm 92 years old______ I'm telling everybody!

  • 03

    Inspector Found

    A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish Inspector from the pest control company. One afternoon, they were carrying on in the upstairs bedroom together and the woman heard her husband come home unexpectedly. "Quick", said the woman to the lover. "Go into the closet!" She pushed her lover into the closet stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked. The exterminator quickly responded, "I am Patrick, an inspector from Bugs - B - Gone. The woman's husband asked, "What are you doing in there?" Patrick replied, I am investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths."
    The woman's husband asked,"And where are your clothes?"
    Patrick looked down at himself and said,"Those little buggars".

  • 04

    Short Marriage Humor

    Marriage humor #1

    Wife: What are you doing?
    Husband: Nothing
    Wife: Nothing? You have been studying our marriage certificate for quite some time.
    Husband: I was looking for the expiration date.

    Marriage humor #2

    Wife: Do you want dinner?
    Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
    Wife: yes or no.

    Marriage humor #3

    Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, concerns and make your burden a lot lighter.
    Boy: It is very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries, troubles or concerns.
    Girl: Well that is because we are not married yet.

  • 05

    Brief Marriage Entertainment

    #1

    A wife asked her husband: "Darling, what do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body? He looked her over very well from head to toe and then replied,"I like your sense of humor."

    #2

    A newly married man asked his new bride,"Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" She readily and sweetly replied," Honey, I would have married you, no matter who left you a fortune."

    #3

    A man was sitting reading his paper, when his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan. "What was that for? he asked. The wife replied, "That is for the piece of paper with the name Marjorie on it that I found in your pants pocket." The man then said, "When I was at the races last week, Marjorie was the name of the horse I bet on." The wife apologized and went on with the laundry chores. Three days later the husband is watching television when his wife bashes him on the head with a bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. When the husband regains consciousness the man asked why she hit him again. The wife replied, "Your horse phoned."







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