Introduction:Nothing raises my barometric pressure faster than when the Weather Channel disses my former home state, Alaska. So get ready, Stephanie Abrams, et. al., Hurricane Joyce is a cat. 5 storm and she's comin' to getcha!
When those highly trained meteorologists pontificate about this dip in the jet stream or that cut-off low, do they ever mention Alaska? Do they ever even show a map of Alaska? Nope, it ain't happenin'. Back in the olden days of the Weather Channel -- that is, when Jim Cantore had a full head of hair -- the network featured weather conditions in both Alaska and Hawaii * at 20 and 50 minutes after each hour. But now? It's oh no to Juneau.
Every year post-Turkey Day, the Weather Channel offers its Guaranteed White Christmas contest. It's usually the sweet, little kids who send in charming videos explaining in angelic voices why they deserve to wake up to a mantle of magical snow on Christmas morning. The winning family gets a visit from the weather-channel crew, a lawn full of fake snow that's probably non-biodegradable and live coverage throughout the day. Last year's winner came from -- you guessed it -- Florida. Everyone, on the count of three -- one, two, three...DUH!
The town of North Pole, Alaska is just down the road from Fairbanks. Santa lives there year-round. Heck, my 20-year-old daughter once sat on his lap in June. (I'm sure Santa enjoyed THAT.) Every Christmas Eve the Weather Channel brings out the Doppler Radar. The anchors put a wink in their voices -- uh, not sure if that's possible. Let's just call it literary license -- and, voila, there's Santa, his sleigh, lead-reindeer Rudolph and their ETA at your town. Meanwhile, the kids in North Pole are yawning. They know the real Santa is Uncle Denny who drives the Chevy pick-up with the cracked windshield and the empty forties that keep jamming the accelerator.
In summer, the northernmost parts of Alaska have non-stop daylight for weeks. Does the Weather Channel care? Do they have a 24-hour-sunlight cam that they share with their viewers every hour on the hour? Am I the only person who thinks the Midnight Sun is the most phenomenal weather marvel in the world? No, instead the anchors drone on and on...The Dew Point is blah-blah...It's week two of the Bermuda High that is blah-blah. I guess I'm supposed to shut up and pretend I'm interested in pop-up thunderstorms in Indianapolis, blah-blah...
Weather Channel, if you're beginning to think Hurricane Joyce is threatening, just wait until Super Typhoon Sarah comes calling! Sarah loves Alaska. If Sarah were to discover how you are dissing her state, she'll be sure to huff and puff and blow your comfy Atlanta studio so high in the sky that all you'll be able to see is -- um -- Russia.
*Hawaii -- I'll be sure to write about you, Hawaii, the next time I can think of absolutely nothing to write about at List My Five. Aloha!
fun and interesting list.
HeHe! Funny top 5! good job!
LOL. Will never think of Alaska the same again!
I haven't seen it, but I think the midnight sun would be amazing and very worthy of a dedicated cam!
Very fun read. I'd love to go to Alaska and meet Uncle Denny. Sounds like a great character.
Thanks for standing up for gorgeous Alaska, Joyce. If I were those weather persons I'd watch out for the wrath of Hurricane Joyce!
Storm watch: Joyce is on her way! Tell us what you really think, sweetie! :) Sarah's got nothing on you. Enjoyable reading, as usual!
select one here...