Introduction:Where all the jokes come from is not always known. These are some of the best of the best for all ages. Smile and enjoy the humor.
Grandma was enjoying her breakfast with her ten year old granddaughter when she glanced at the newspaper and saw the announcement that read "President's Day". She looked at her granddaughter and knowing how smart she is, asked her what she knew about President's Day? Almost immediately the intelligent ten year old responded with these statements. "Grandma, President's Day is when the president comes out of the White House, sees his shadow, and we know we are in for four more years of misery". Grandma had her coffee come out of her nose after hearing that from her intelligent granddaughter as she described that.
A Little boy asks his daddy, "How was I born?" The dad answers, Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway and I am glad you are asking me! Your mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date by email with your mom and we met in at a cyber cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room and googled each other.
There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload
we both discovered neither of us had used a firewall.
It was way too late to hit the delete button and so nine months later a little pop up appeared that said:
YOU GOT MALE!"
A florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the haircut, he asked about his bill and the barber said," I can't accept money from you because I am doing community service this week. The florist was pleased and left the shop. The next day upon opening his barber shop there was a dozen roses and a thank you note from the florist. Later that day a policeman came in for a haircut and when the bill was to be paid, the barber said, "I cannot take money because I am doing community service this week. The cop left the barber shop and next day left a dozen donuts for the barber with a thank you note so the barber saw them when he opened his shop.That same day a congressman came in for a haircut and asked what his bill was. The barber again stated , "I am doing community service this week and I cannot take money. That next morning when the barber opened his shop there were a dozen congressmen lined up waiting for their free haircuts.
A group of cows is called a herd. A collection of a bunch of chickens is called a flock. An enormous amount of fish is called a school of fish. The noun for a group of geese is called a gaggle of geese. More than two lions are considered a pride of lions. When you see a lot of crows they are called a murder just like their cousins the rooks and ravens too. More than two doves are called an exaltation of doves. Owls, when in a group, maybe because they look so wise, are called a congress even though that might be questioned. A collection of baboons are the loudest and the least intelligent along with the most obnoxious and viciously dangerous and aggressive of all the primates. The collective noun for these baboons is a Parliament.
A tourist was going too fast along a deserted stretch of highway when he did not negotiate the curve well and ended up in the ditch. Fortunately for the man from out of town a local farmer named Joe came to help. Farmer had a big husky horse named Buddy and the Farmer began to give Buddy commands. As soon as he hitched Buddy to the car to pull it out of the ditch, farmer Joe yelled: "Pull Nellie, Pull." Buddy just stood there and did not even try to follow what Joe told him. Then farmer Joe commanded Buddy ":"Pull Coco, pull". Still no motion from Buddy. Farmer Joe said :"pull Buster, Pull". Then he quickly said :"pull Buddy, pull". The car was easily pulled out of the ditch and the tourist was happy and puzzled so he asked farmer Joe why he called out the wrong name before calling Buddy his correct name. Farmer Joe replied: "Buddy is blind and he is smart. He never would have even tried if he thought he was the only one pulling."
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