Does Aunt Eunice do anything other than buy 'as seen on TV' products off of the television? Informercials are in heavy rotation at her house. It's as if Billy Mays was invited to the family reunion. She can't hear it thunder but won't spend money on a hearing aid; she just keeps buying unnecessary 'as seen on TV' products. No amount of talking will change this behavior. And she couldn't hear you anyway.
It's a fact, crazy cousin Rex exchanged the 'you're not fooling anybody with that' comb-over hairdo for a 'now that's just ridiculous looking' toupee. The fake hair must be new; it looks like it's still in the shrink wrap. Cool, the family reunion is the toupee's debut. If anybody mentions it, pretend you do not notice. In fact, Uncle Jack needs to follow suit.
Apparently Sara Jean got a fungus under her toe nail the last time she got a pedicure. And, interestingly enough, crazy cousin Rex had to get outpatient surgery on an ingrown toe nail just last week. Can you believe little Bubba's toe nail still hasn't grown back after it was ripped off by the door at the grocery store? Really?! How is it possible that everyone at the family reunion has a toe nail story?
You notice at the family dinner that Aunt Modine has gained a good bit of weight and Uncle Paddy's paunch droops down even further over his belt buckle. They do love their food. Still, it's in bad taste to discuss weight changes, up or down, at a family reunion. And they do laugh a lot. Pass the rolls.
Okay, where is your brother-in-law Butch, he usually comes to the family reunions. Oh, sweet sister Melva is getting divorced from him. Again. He is/was her third husband. And her forth husband- since they did officially get remarried. Which is why they are getting re-divorced. They could make a television show out of these two. Yep, best not to discuss this one at the family reunion.
Ouch. Yes, these could all sting. Gotta keep the peace with the relatives or not!
Too funny! But if not these, then what WILL the relatives discuss?? ;)
Except for the toenails, we've done all of these.
select one here...