Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce is a character from the television show M*A*S*H. Played by Alan Alda, Hawkeye is one of the best characters to ever be on TV. He's witty, charming, funny, smart, brave, compassionate, and unruly. His quotes are some of the best from the show. Here (in no particular order) are the top five Hawkeye quotes.
"I will not carry a gun, Frank! When I got thrown into this war, I had a clear understanding with the Pentagon: NO GUNS. I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune; I'll carry on, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia; I'll even 'hari-kari" if you show me how. But I WILL NOT carry a gun!"
"Do you know what a hero is? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, he's somebody who's tired enough and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn."
On Greatness: "Some men are born great, others achieve greatness... and then there are those of us who got it both ways."
On the Nurses: "I've tried my best to keep up the nurses morale, but I've only got two hands."
On Going Crazy: "If we don't go crazy once in awhile, we'll all go crazy!"
"I am the essence of overconfidence! I am speculation, adventure, the spirit of pursuit; the stag howling for its winsome yet anonymous mate. I am the love call of evolution; the perfume and color of the flowers as they offer their pollen to the gentle buzz of the bees. I am sex itself, gentlemen. I am life! I am appetite!"
Hawkeye: "War isn't Hell. War is war and Hell is Hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse!"
Father Mulcahy: "How do you figure, Hawkeye?"
Hawkeye: "Easy Father. Tell me... who goes to Hell?"
Father Mulcahy: "Sinners, I believe."
Hawkeye: "Exactly. There are no innocent bystanders in Hell. War is chock full of them- little kids, cripples, old ladies... In fact, except for some of the brass, almost everybody involved is an innocent bystander."
There are many more great Hawkeye quotes. If I missed your favorite, please post it in the comments below. Here are a few that didn't quite make the list:
"I've eaten a river of liver and an ocean of fish! I've eaten so much fish, I'm ready to grow gills! I've eaten so much liver, I can only make love if I'm smothered in bacon and onions."
"How do they expect us to win a war without shuttlecocks!?"
"Never let it be said I didn't do the least I could do."
"I loved a girl in San Francisco once. No, twice."
"I can't say that I've loved you all. But I've loved as many of you as I could!"
"Ahhh, the human derriere. It's one of a kind. Actually, two of a kind," - one of my favorite Hawkeye quotes.
Mash was such a great show, I really wish they would run more re-reuns of it.
Fantastic! I loved Hawkeye Pierce...he was one of the original wise guys on TV.
What an unusual and delightful list on Hawkeye quotes. Really kept my attention.
Great quotes! Hawkeye was one of my favorites!
I had a lot of fun late nights watching MASH in High School. Thanks for the reminiscence.
select one here...