Reasons Justin Bieber Is Not the Antichrist

Humor - Political

By: TheLorax     16-Mar-2011

Introduction:

Everyone's been wondering so I thought it was time to kill the suspense.

He's Not Pretty Enough

The Anti-Christ has to look good, really good, if we're going to buy into the fact that he's here to help everyone. I mean, he can't look like Gadhafi. Then we'd all know for sure he's evil. And he can't look like an innocent, harmless teen pop star...can he? Who's going to buy that? No. He has to be suave and sophisticated, tall dark and handsome. Maybe Italian. They produced the Pope. They'll probably produce the Anti-Pope too. So he has to be really really pretty, and as pretty as Justin Bieber is, he just doesn't make the cut.

Justin Bieber's Music Is, to Be Polite, Forgettable

Let's be honest. The Anti-Christ has to be something like a rock and roll star, a hard partier, someone like Keith Richards in the good old days when when he was on six different kinds of psychedelic mushrooms at once and couldn't remember if he was in the men's room or ladies room, not to mention the city he was currently touring in. And again, Justin is just not that...extreme.

His Web Site Bio Says He's Not

Well, actually it starts out by saying an "old soul" is the last thing you'd expect to find in him. And the Anti-Christ is just about the oldest of souls around, more than likely. (Unless you count Keith Richards).

He's from Canada

The Anti-Christ might come from any number of nefarious, unstable countries. But from the inventors of curling, Mounties, Canadian bacon and the insertion of "eh" into every sentence with a active verb? Not likely.

He Speaks Fluent French

The Anti-Christ would never be caught dead speaking French. German, sure, Russian, you bet. Heavily accented English? Of course. But French is the language of love, and the Anti-Christ ain't got any love to spare. Justin Bieber seems to be bubbling over with it however.




Final Thoughts

Check back in a few years when the world comes to an end and prove me wrong.


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