Facts About the Need For Mutual Trust

Introduction:Ask any construction engineer about "Cornerstones" or "Foundation Stones" and they will tell you that a corner stone or foundation stone is the very first stone set in the construction of any masonry foundation. The construction engineer will tell you that this is the most important stone of all the stones used in a foundation because all the other stones are set using the foundation stone as a reference point. The shape and stability of the entire structure depends on the structure's cornerstone. When building the foundation to a stable human relationship, the corner stone is mutual trust. Laying the foundation stone of mutual trust is based on the five steps I will present here. The order in which I am presenting them is not necessarily in their order of importance because, in my humble opinion, they are all equally important.

  • 01

    Totally Open and Honest Communications

    Communications is the "keystone" to mutual trust. In architecture is the wedge-shaped stone piece at the apex of a masonry vault or arch. The keystone is the final stone laid during construction of a vault or arch and locks all the other stones in place. The placement of the keystone determines how well the vault or arch can bear weight. Figuratively speaking, open, honest communications are the keystone to every stable, satisfying human relationship because it locks all the other element in place.

  • 02

    The Need to Know and Understand Each Others Every Thought

    Mutual trust is based on revealing our vulnerabilities to our partner. In order to do that someone has to make the first move and that is one very scary move to make. In making that move we are laying ourselves open to betrayal and hurt. On the other hand, revealing our vulnerabilities to our partner encourages them to trust us and makes it easier for them to reveal their vulnerabilities to us. This is not a game of "you show me yours and then I will show you mine." This is not a game of Freudian "one-up manship." In a truly loving relationship these things happen naturally. Deep-down, when we truly care about another human being, we want them to know everything about us and we want to know everything about them. In the beginning of a new relationship, doing that may take a little conscience work, especially if one of the partners in the relationship have been hurt in the past because revealing our vulnerabilities is very threatening. In case such as this, it is up to the more secure partner to lead the way.

  • 03

    Regaining Lost Trust

    Real trust in a relationship is a priceless treasure and should be guarded closely. For me, personally, I would rather lose an arm, a leg or even an eye than betray that trust. Trust can be lost in many ways, but in most cases it lying and cheating that does it. If one is lucky and truly repentant, the trust can be rebuilt after many long months, even years of hard work. I have been married twice. Divorced once and widowed once. My first marriage was a disaster, but no matter how bad it got did I ever lie to or cheat on my wife. If you are anything like me, no matter whether your significant other forgives you or not, you would never be able to forgive yourself.

  • 04

    Talk About the Long Term and Be Dependable

    Living for today without giving a thought to next week, next month, next year and five or ten years down the road is fine for the single person but it is not an option when you have another life to care for. You need to discuss those things with your mate. Where do you see your life together being - next month, next years, five years from now? You need to listen to what they have to say and take that into serious consideration when planning your future life together. Being dependable is another keystone in your relationship. You need to do what you say that you are going to do and never do what you say that you will not do. The way I like to put it, "I say what I mean, and I mean what I say."

  • 05

    Trust Your Mate

    You are a couple, you love one another, you plan to spend thew rest of your lives together, but you do not own one another. Your mate has the right to a life away from you and your home. He or she has a right to his or her own friends, friends of both sexes. Trusting your mates means trusting them to keep those friendships platonic. It means that you have no right to try and control those relationships. It means that you will feel no need to try and tell your mate who he or she can be friends with. It does not mean that you have like them in order for them to be your mates friends. My second wife and I would have had some serious problems if I felt that I had to feel the same way about her friends as she did because she had a handful that I could not stand, but she liked them and they were her friends, not mine.







Comments

  • goodselfme 4/8/2013 Flag This Comment

    #3 spoke to me very deeply since I remained faithful when I could not have chosen that path. As you say, I could not live with myself if I was unfaithful. Good info and a super read for all purposes in life.

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