Signs I Spend Too Much Time Watching the Food Network

Humor - Food

By: PajamaMommy     12-Feb-2011

Introduction:

The Food Network is my "go-to" channel. I go to it so often, as a matter of fact, that my daughter recently asked me if I ever watch any other channel. I suppose this is a sign that I tune in too often. But it doesn't mean I'm obsessed or anything...

My Viewers

Does the fact that I talk to the audience as I prepare dinner from my kitchen mean I have a problem? I don't think so! The imaginary viewers need to know my special techniques, don't they? Okay, so maybe it's weird that I present my finished dish to the toaster oven/camera, but that doesn't mean I need help. It just means I need to polish the stainless steel so I can see myself better when I talk into the camera.

Studio Audience

So what if my at home viewers are invisible! At least I have a live studio audience...and when I say "studio audience" I am referring to our pet fish. I suppose you will find it telling that their names are Alton, Duff and Barefoot Contessa. No, I don't imagine that they look like their name sakes...but I do imagine how they would look dredged in flour and topped with the zest of one lemon.

Throwdown

I'll admit that I have been known to fantasize about the day when Bobby Flay strolls into my kitchen and challenges me to a smothered chicken throwdown. I'll have you know that I'm a very humble winner. I barely gloat when the judges declare my dish to be better than Bobby's. And because there are no hard feelings, Mr. Flay even hangs around and helps me make dessert.

The Reveal

Doesn't everyone cover their dinner spread with a sheet, gather the family, and announce as they "unveil" the meal that tonight's secret recipe is "BEEF STROGANOFF!" No? Well, perhaps it IS a little over the top. But you know, they do say the presentation is just as important as the flavor, so I don't see any reason to stop "revealing" my dinner in the manner of the Iron Chef's Chairman.

The Judges

It doesn't really matter how I prepare or present the food. The important thing is that we all gather around the table every night to share in a family dinner and conversation. And by family dinner conversation I mean me asking "the panel" to rate my dishes.




Final Thoughts

I won't even get started on how I've been convinced that butter is its own food group.


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