Google Map Directions You Never Want to Take

Humor - Internet

By: PupFashionista     04-Nov-2010

Introduction:

After recently seeing a Facebook status asking people to Google Map directions from Japan to China, I became excited. How cool is it that my BFF Google now provides international service. I'll never need another travel agent again!

Seattle, WA, to Tokyo, Japan

Being a fairly green community, it only makes sense that Seattle residents would want to take a low emissions vacation. Right? And if I lived in Seattle, I would want to vacation in Tokyo. So I decided to walk from Seattle to Japan, and thanks to Google Maps, I now have directions. Let's see. I need to take Madison to 5th to Westlake to Burke-Gilman to Northlake to... "kayak across the Pacific Ocean" 2,756 miles to Hawaii (step 9). Take a few more roads then hop back in the ocean and "kayak across the Pacific Ocean" 3,879 miles to Japan (step 32). Now since we're walking, we have to cross several streets, use a couple of cross walks, and use access paths (steps 81-190). Finally we walk up and down stairs (steps 191-193). Aren't you so glad it's so easy to walk to Japan? And it only took us 90 days and 7 hours.

Tokyo to Shanghai, China

While we're across the Pacific, it would have been silly to go so far without visiting China, too. Luckily, Google Maps has driving directions. (I'd tired from all that kayaking, so walking is NOT an option.) Tokyo to Kagoshima's fairly mundane, but once there, you must "jet ski across the Pacific Ocean" (step 48) to China. Now my question is why do I have to kayak to Japan but get to jet ski to China? Luckily though, this trip only takes 35 hours. (Google Maps does warn us this trip does include toll roads, so be forewarned.)

Shanghai to Taiwan

Oh, let's visit Taiwan while we're in the neighborhood. Since we'd probably be rested up, I tried walking directions again, but Google says to use caution because "this route may be missing sidewalks or pedestrian paths." That's unacceptable, so we're driving. We drive down the shore line until we hit Fuzhou, then we have to "swim across the Pacific Ocean 165 km" (step 40). Then you get back in your car and drive the rest of the way. My question: How did you keep your car from getting wet on the swim over?

Barcelona to Paris

Unfortunately, my trusty Google Maps has no directions between Taiwan and Barcelona, so I have to fly. But after spending a few days or so in Spain, Paris should be the next stop on the trip. Right? And we're going to backpack there. Thankfully, I learned you can NOT walk to Paris from Barcelona without taking a ferry to Porto Torres, Italy and then to Marseilles, France. Apparently there are no roads or paths across the Pyrenees that would allow us to go totally by land.

Paris to Sweden

Remember how we're backpacking around Europe (but using the most direct paths according to my handy dandy Google Maps)? Now we're off to Sweden. The thing about Sweden though is that you have to ferry to England, bypass through London, ferry across to Denmark, drive through Denmark and along the German coast, take a ferry to Latvia, and then hop on another ferry to Stockholm.




Final Thoughts

All of these directions have been taken directly from Google Maps. I think I'll stick with a travel agent.


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