Causes of Divorce

Relationships - General

By: dptstretch 31-Jul-2012

Introduction:

A therapist friend of mine posted about a conference he attended and I took part of his list and did a little research on some of the items. While these are listed as causes...they could be symptoms or behaviors that could lead to divorce.

Lack of Commitment

It is very difficult to put a number on this one. Certainly, infidelity (which is another cause all by itself) could be a sign of a lack of commitment. I think a lack of commitment comes down to one or both of the partners deciding that divorcing is easier than working through the issues.

Too Much Conflict

Conflict is one of those buzzwords that we try to deal with in the business world and perhaps do an even less effective job of dealing with it at home. Most conflict comes out of upbringing, expectations, assumptions and even out of attempting to avoid conflict. People should learn to collaborate more--in business and at home! Collaborating helps both sides get what they want and helps avoid compromise (which is where someone has to give up what they want).

Money Issues

This has to be a big one. Some say it is the number one cause of divorce and I think that is very difficult to prove one way or the other. It certainly is a significant cause. There is no easy answer to this dillema. Couples have to work out who is going to take care of the money, what the plan is going to be, and what the guidelines are going to be. It is not easy and often no one is really responsible for the financial health of the family. This is an area where people can tend to be passive with their partner and someone needs to put their foot down.

Infidelity

There are probably more statistics on this cause than all of the others combined. I saw one report that said that 31% of marriages that had a cheating spouse worked things out. That would mean that 69% of marriages with a cheating spouse ended in divorce. That seems a little high to me and I think there are a number of factors that could influence that number: circumstances, length of the affair, who it was with, and emotional attachment all come to mind. I wouldn't even attempt to wade through all the stats on this one. I think we can all agree that this is a major cause of divorce.

Unhappiness

Wow. This seems like a "catch all" to me. I really don't think that is what is meant by unhappiness being the cause of divorce. It either means that "my spouse makes me miserable" or it says "you're supposed to make me happy." It is not my intention to get up a soap box here but my wife has diabetes, suffers from side effects from chemo that she had over a year ago, and has a whole host of other medical and emotional problems. What would you do if the going got tough? What if the shoe were on the other foot and it was you that had some of these issues?

Final Thoughts

That's quite a lot and we haven't even discussed issues like people feeling unloved, trapped, unfulfilled, abused, poor communication and ego. If you want something really crazy, look up statistics for arranged marriages--the divorce rate is much lower (and I admit that I didn't really look into why that is). My dad married three times and I honestly lost count on how many times my mom married...so I hate divorce. I've seen too much of it.