Everyone has had several embarrassing moments in their life. Those moments are unfortunate parts of our lives we must learn to deal with. I feel I have had more than my share of embarrassing moments, like most of the world's population. These are a few that I am able to share. Some embarrassing moments of my life have been sealed in the vault, never to be revisited and certainly never to be shared with the world.
Where does a struggling college student go on her birthday with her best friend? Denny's, of course. At least one of us would get to eat free. I ordered one of the "grand slams" and my friend order a burger with fries. The server brought our food and a bottle of mustard for the burger. Without much thought, my friend tightened the top of the bottle and began to shake it to get the mustard to pour out. Oh my! Did the mustard ever pour out! All over her and me. As well as about four other tables. My friend slung mustard all over Denny's. Obviously, this is funny. However, one rather uptight woman didn't think it was funny. Mustard had landed in her hair. She jumped up and began shouting at my friend. It was a small amount compared to what my friend and I were now wearing. My friend tried to make light of the situation, but the woman asked my friend to "step outside." I knew what that meant. My friend, much bolder than I am, jumped up and said "I'll race you." Seeing she was my best friend, I felt obligated to join her. Thankfully, the woman backed down and no one had to "go outside." We finished our meals, wearing the mustard and not saying much. It wasn't until we were in the car that we truly laughed the way we wanted to laugh.
Throughout my life, I have owned numerous businesses. In fact, I have owned a few at the same time. At one moment in time, I owned a wedding coordinating business and an office cleaning business. Of course, I had my freelance writing business. To keep things simple for me, I always used the same business name no matter what the business might be. I placed an ad in the paper for someone to clean offices. It was part-time work that paid fairly well for such an easy job of emptying trash cans and dusting desks. I received a phone call from a woman who was interested in the job I had offered. I scheduled the appointment. She arrived on time and dressed extremely professional for such a job. Most people showed up in jeans or khakis, but she went all out. She even had a briefcase with her. My interviews were always informal. Our small talk was finished and it was time for business. "Why did you apply for this job?" I asked. She said she had spent years doing it and had relocated to the area was looking for work. "So, you don't mind emptying trash and cleaning up other people's messes?" The look on her face shocked me. "I can do that," she replied in a confused tone. I asked a few more questions and she looked more and more confused. "Perhaps you should look at my resume," she finally said. I did and wanted to crawl under my desk. She was a wedding coordinator. She was applying for a job I had filled a few months before.
I love bookstores. I could live in a bookstore. I never get tired of them. I don't go very often anymore though. Truthfully, I am scared of them now. I was in the poetry section of my local bookstore. It was the dead of winter and I was hearing a green hat and green scarf. A woman walked up to me and asked if I was Emma. People recognize me all the time so I said yes. This wasn't all that strange. We began talking. "I so enjoy you online," she explained. I smiled and said that everything I posted was from the heart. She smiled brightly and asked if we could get a cup of coffee. I agreed and over to the little cafe in the bookstore we went. We chatted for a few moments when she moved next to me in the booth. "I feel like I've known you my entire life - like we have a connection." I scooted over uncomfortably. She scooted even closer to me. The next thing I know she has kissed me. On the mouth. I screamed. She scared me. She really scared me. "I thought that is what you wanted," she said moving away from me. I asked her what would give her that idea. Wow! I learned the whole story. I learned that "Emma" was going to meet her at the bookstore, in the poetry section, wearing a green hat and scarf. If "Emma" felt attracted to her, she would agree to have coffee. I just wasn't "her Emma." Husbands can be so cruel. He still teases me about "picking up women" when I get up the courage to go to a bookstore.
Returning a book to the library is usually a good thing. I try to get mine there before the due date - others might be interested in checking them out. One night I am returning a book to the library when I am pulled over by the police. I am asked where I am going and why. I explained the whole "library thing," expecting to be sent on my way. That was not the case. I was arrested for grand theft auto. Yes, the car I was driving, which I owned, had been reported stolen. The officers didn't want to see any paperwork on the car; the make, model and license plate matched perfectly. I was snatched from my car and placed against the hood of the patrol car. What does a simple country girl like me do in such a situation? Faints, of course. When they bring me around, I start crying uncontrollably, begging not to be handcuffed. One of the officers agrees and puts me in the front seat. Off we are to the county jail. I am very upset. So upset that my stomach starts doing horrible flips. "Please pull over," I ask, explaining I am going to be sick. He is in traffic and can't. I end up being sick all over the police car and myself. Once at the police station, the situation is taken care of. They learn that my car was not stolen; the numbers on the license plate really didn't match their numbers. Because it is the end of their shift, they can't take me back to my car. I had to call my mother. From the police station. After being arrested for stealing a car. Covered in vomit.
My mother was threw a "special party" when I seven. All of her friends would be there. I was going to be the "hostess" to her friends' children in my room. It was my job to keep the kids happy and entertained. I was excited to help and play with a group of kids. The guests arrived and the youngest of the guests went in my room to play for a few hours. One little girl I didn't know was not very nice. She threw toys and cheated at all the games. One of the toys she threw hit me in the forehead. I had a huge gash in my forehead and blood was everywhere. Not wanting to bother my mom during her party, I went into her bathroom to look for something to bandage my head with. The only thing I saw that could help was a box of her "special bandages." You know, the kind in the pretty box with daisies all over it. I wouldn't normally use "those bandages" because they were "special" and only used by "young ladies." Thinking carefully, I concluded this was a special occasion and I was quite the young lady having a party in my room. I opened the box and pulled out the long, white rectangular-shaped "special bandage." I wasn't quite sure how they would work, but I pulled off the strip and stuck the sticky side to my forehead. I went back to my party without giving it another thought. Unfortunately, this special bandage didn't stop the bleeding. I knew I needed my mother's help. I walked into the living room, wearing this bandage on my forehead, and the room went silent. Mothers grabbed their things and children and off they went. My mom and I had a little chat after they all left. I learned all about "girlie products."
I sometimes wonder how I am able to leave the house. If I was smart, I would stay home at all times. I never know what I might get myself into. I have a knack for falling into the most embarrassing moments and, usually, they aren't even my fault. I also wonder if other people have had moments that are more embarrassing than I have had. I find that hard to believe. I hope not. Then again, it might be good for them. Those embarrassing moments build character and helps to develop a sense of humor. I am quite a character and I certainly have a warped sense of humor. For those wonder why I am the way I am, know you have a little insight to that mystery.
Absolutely hysterical. I read the final three out loud to my husband and son ... we all howled. Definitely the highest of fives!!!
Thanks for the laugh today! Who knew going to the bookstore and library could be so adventurous?
I laughed all the way through this list! Very cute!! I have some very embarrassing moments myself!
select one here...