Ways For Evil Corporate Executives to Sleep at Night

Business - Business Values

By: LWCox     14-Dec-2010

Introduction:

Ever wondered how CEOs sleep at night, after the misery they create in the name of profits? After cutting employee compensation, eliminating retirement plans and group health insurance, just how do these evil corporate CEOs live with themselves? If you're a corporate executive who hasn't quite managed to totally lose your soul yet, read the Top 5 list below for some insight as to how CEOs and other evil corporate executives manage to sleep at night. Soon you'll be sleeping like a baby.

Tie One on

Drown your guilt in a heavy dose of liquor at bedtime. With that big bonus, you can afford to drink as much as you want of even the most expensive liquor. Don't worry about the medical side effects; you still have the Cadillac group health insurance and retirement plans you ruthlessly canceled for your employees.

Prescription Drugs

Have the company physician write you a prescription for a heavy tranquilizer or sleeping pill. (He's in your back pocket anyway, isn't he?) Then dope yourself up at bedtime and you'll never even think about all those employees you laid off while accepting your multi-million dollar bonus.

Sell Your Soul to the Devil

Sign with blood on the dotted line and sell your soul to the devil. He'll conveniently remove any remnants of conscience you may have left, and you'll sleep like a baby even after outsourcing the jobs of thousands of loyal employees.

Disassociate

Refuse to make eye contact with your remaining employees when you're forced to walk through the building. After all, they're not really people; they're just labor and a major drain on your corporate profits. If you don't make eye contact, you won't notice the gaunt hollows under their eyes caused by hunger and worry that set in when you instituted their pay cuts.

Get the Hell Out of Dodge

Once you've made the annual budget cuts and lay-offs, there's not really much reason to stick around anyway, is there? You don't actually do any work, other than causing stress and problems for subordinates to clean up. Make everybody happy and use your bonus to fly to Tahiti. Then just stay there. The company will run much more smoothly without you.





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