Lies Pet Owners Tell

Pets/Animals - Pets - Pet Issues

By: ElaineChastain     08-Feb-2011

Introduction:

Oh the lies pet owners tell, they just may be the most delusional people on earth. I do love animals but sometimes animal lovers drive me nuts. This is why I go crazy when I look in the mirror.

My Dogs Are House Trained

Sure they are, that's why they do it in the house, right? If I smell doggy poo in your house then fido is not as house trained as you think. He is leaving his calling card underneath the sofa or behind that big old buffet you never check under.

My Cat Does Not Shed

What, you mean you have a Mexican hairless cat? I did not know those existed. If it has fur it sheds. If you wear sweaters then everyone knows you have a pet, trust me on this. White hairs on black clothing stand out! The reverse is true too, black on white.

I Change the Litter Daily, You Can't Even Tell I Have a Cat

Really? True, I did not know you had a cat, that is untill you opened the door to let me inside. Whew, that litter box needs to go - outside - permanently! All the deodorant in the world will not kill the smell of kitty poo! How about house training your cat instead of your dog.

He Won't Bite/He Will Bite

Will he: Sure he won't and I won't either, unless I'm provoked. Dogs have definite opinions about who is bite worthy and who is not so unless you have some kind of telepathic connection don't say this to children. Instead say he isn't likely to bite unless you do something annoying or stupid, like sticking your finger up his rectum.

Won't he: Okay, can you put him in the other room please? If he bites why is he out here greeting me, honest I am not trying to sell anything. Maybe he is just going to gum me to death, does that count as biting. Tell that critter to stop licking me, please!

My Cat Is Such a Baby, She Loves Me

Your baby has teeth and fangs and may love you especially if you feed it regularly. However, cats are highly intelligent creatures and they are also lazy. Feed it, stroke it and give it a place to stretch out and it will stay with you forever. It's the animal equivalent to the barter system and it works!




Final Thoughts

I think our pets have us right where they want us!






Comments

  • msiminick 11/13/2011

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    Ouch! I was so sure my cat was in love with me...

  • ListMaker 2/8/2011

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    I was dumb enough to get dogs and cats in contrasting colors so I can't wear ANYTHING without it being coated in hair. No outfit is complete without dog hair. And, just for future reference, when people ask me if my dogs bite, the answer is always 'they have teeth, don't they....'

  • PajamaMommy 2/8/2011

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    "If you wear sweaters then everyone knows..." LOL! so funny and so true!

  • 4dogday 2/8/2011

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    No....pet owners don't lie! They just stretch the truth a little. Great list!


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